Model: Green and Blue
Version: 4.45bn
Thank you for your purchase of PLANET EARTH, a bespoke and organic life-giving biosphere. This model features a new and updated oxygen package, water, photosynthesis, flora and animal life; as well as a MOON (sold separately). As the new owner and steward of Earth we encourage you to explore its incredible surface by travelling through its amazing beauty, however please read the following terms carefully:
WARRANTY COVERAGE:
Included:
• Polar Ice caps (see: melting clause)
• Clean oceans and coral reefs (see: recycling instructions)
• Carbon dioxide absorbing forests (see: deforestation amendment)
• A healthy atmosphere (see: O-Zone layer care agreement)
Your warranty will be voided if you:
• Consume instead of preserving its beauty
• Depend on single use plastics in everyday life
• Use air travel needlessly, especially when trains or buses will suffice
• Contribute to the millions of tons of carbon displaced into the atmosphere by using fossil fuel irresponsibly
• Support harmful tourism and disregard local cultures
DISCLAIMER:
Earth has no spare oceans, replacement icebergs or backup extinct species. Once lost, polluted or extinct, no replacements will be issued. Just because you might not see obvious environmental change it doesn’t mean it’s not happening: the rate that sea levels are rising has doubled in the past 10 years, leaving vulnerable nations such as Tuvalu, Kiribati and Bangladesh susceptible to flooding. Be mindful that high income countries leave an environmental impact 10x the size of lower income countries.
Tourism is one of the fastest growing industries and is a major factor in countless world economies; however, tourists and governments alike need to be accountable for their actions. Moreover, we recommend rewilding and agricultural restorations during the conservation of Earth, and do not be tempted to move to MARS, regardless of Elon Musk – you can’t run away from your problems.
RETURNS AND CARE POLICIES:
We do not accept returns once Earth has been used, however we recommend to properly care for Earth by:
• Driving less by walking, cycling or using public transport
• Engaging with local communities and support community-based tourism
• Using eco-friendly accommodations that utilise renewable sources of energy and water conservation
• Not supporting exploitative tourism, which includes slum tourism, cultural commodification, mass tourism, the exploitation of indigenous cultures and poaching
• Only engaging with ethical safaris that understand the importance of conservation• Flying less (staycations are a great eco-friendly alternative)
• Listening to eco-scientists and wildlife researchers, not politicians
• Buying sustainable produce and supporting local farmers and fisherman
• Supporting local businesses as opposed to adding to the profits of a global brand
• Using the UN’s Sustainable Development Goals and keeping to the Global Code of Ethics
YOU ARE NOT THE FIRST OWNER OF PLANET EARTH, but you may be the last. Use her gently, travel mindfully, consume wisely, and don’t destroy your home, it’s the only one you have.
Signed,
Ms Mother Nature
CEO of Milky Way Ltd
Sources:
https://unstats.un.org/sdgs/report/2023/
https://www.jpl.nasa.gov/news/nasa-analysis-shows-irreversible-sea-level-rise-for-pacific-islands/
https://sdgs.un.org/topics/sustainable-tourism
