G.R.A.S.S. [Guerrilla Resistance of Animals and Sapling Sentinels] (Parisian branch) – an interspecian congress that unites representatives of flora and fauna in condemnation of the egoistic and self-distructive behaviour of our human siblings! If you do not want us to rat you out to Mother Nature, concede to our demands:
1. STOP BUYING NEW!
Haven’t you destroyed enough of us producing things you barely needed? Haven’t you wasted enough water we desperately need? We beg you: thrift, repair, recycle! You love your technology- use it wisely! Try Geev for used items, and check Reddit for ethical local shops and producer policies—our comrades in poorer countries suffer terrible disasters caused by pollution from factories making cheap goods.
2. REDUCE YOUR TRAVEL CARBON FOOTPRINT!
We do need some carbon for photosynthesis, but too much harms us all! Please, if you are comming from nearby – come by land! A special demand to those exchange students from the UK – use Eurostar! It is faster, nicer and much less harmful to the environment than those pathetic parodies of birds you call “planes”.
3. USE YOUR OWN TWO!
Make the most of your legs while you’re in Paris—walking is a privilege that many species don’t have. If you can’t, bike—a privilege even fewer enjoy. No bike? Use Vélib’ – the city’s affordable bike-sharing system that’s especially budget-friendly for students.
4. STOP EATING MEAT!
Some might find this demand silly coming from our vegetative comrades, but they couldn’t be more wrong. First, plants lack nervous system, so we don’t feel pain. Do we even “experience” anything?
Secondly, industrial meat production damages the environment like nothing else, so we would all be better off if it stopped. To ensure your food choices help reduce this impact, use Dunia—an app that calculates your carbon footprint. Paris is very vegan-friendly—why not try?
5. WHEN IN DOUBT – LOOK AT SDGs!
You humans excel at creating frameworks, organizations, and institutions—but still struggle to take meaningful action. The Sustainable Development Goals are set; the decision to actually implement them is yours.
We get it—attention spans are short, and you humans need things gamified to stick with them. So here’s a fun idea: each month, make one small change that helps you personally contribute to an SDG. Since you’re the self-proclaimed “drivers of change” and temporary guests in our city, exchange students, we’re looking at you—take this challenge seriously!
For us, the most important goals are:
• SDG 6: Clean Water and Sanitation
• SDG 7: Affordable and Clean Energy
• SDG 11: Sustainable Cities and Communities
• SDG 12: Responsible Consumption and Production
• SDG 13: Climate Action
• SDG 14: Life Below Water
• SDG 15: Life on Land
Seven goals—just enough for a year-long exchange. Adopt them!
We will not take “no” as an answer. This manifesto is not a list of recommendations, it is an ultimatum: either you compost, or you get composted. Time is ticking, and it is not on your side. ACT!
